saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it because I queefed?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
