having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
