Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
