This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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