I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
