I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
