I've blown a few things in my day
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize