I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
