she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
