How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
