I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
