Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
