I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
