i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
