I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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