k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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