for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
