he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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