Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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