i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
