I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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