its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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