Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
