is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
