Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
