His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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