I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
