If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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