Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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