We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
