Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
