Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He? As in you personified your dick?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
