I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They took my balls.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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