I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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