my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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