Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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