are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
