So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we're so committed to being not committed
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