Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
