Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
