why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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