Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
