The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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