I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize