was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
3 2 1 whiskey
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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