Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
