My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
