My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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