I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
