she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
