Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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