Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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