Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I did not marry a roomba.
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