i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
