Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
