I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
