chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
