You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
