nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
