I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
