i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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