Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
