Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
