bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
