Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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