I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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