I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
