the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
