Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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