return my video game
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
