i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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