I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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