they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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