My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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