he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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