i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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