I will die if light touches me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
