Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
