Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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