oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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