just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
