Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
