The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
